Do you ever stand on the outside of situations and just watch what goes on? You detach yourself and observe, gathering your own thoughts, be they happy or sad.
Over the years as a mum to a child with special needs, I have had to develop the art of standing on the sidelines and observing individuals, their reactions to particular situations and how they interact with others. For example, I watch when arrangements are made for outings and events and silently break my heart because more often than not someone is invariable excluded. I am sad to admit that this is usually Beth. I witness the confusion and stinging hurt in Beth’s eyes when she realises, that she isn’t part of the planning and the organised activity. I then observe how the planners over compensate for not extending the invite to everyone. They cite bland reasons for why the outing is unsuitable. Sometimes no reason is given, which is worse, and the event happens. The fun is then captured in a Snapchat or Instagram post and sent globally, so not only is Beth excluded but she is then bombarded with fun filled images.
I silently brace myself then for the constant barrage of questions that I know will follow. The most common being why could I not go Mum? did they not want me mum? So I then try to explain to Beth and offer other alternatives to salve her disappointment and compensate for the stark fact and realisation, that the older she gets the more frequent the exclusion will become. My emotions range from sad to red hot rage, I think in part this is because I have no control over the situations.
Now I fully accept that Beth cannot be included in everything and she herself accepts that life can at times be a little disappointing, this is after all one of life’s lessons. I can say with admiration that Beth copes with exclusion so much better than anyone I know. She is building resilience and is continuing to develop this ever important life skill.
So why do we exclude? Is it out of embarrassment, ignorance or at times selfishness and lack of thought? I could quote legislation on inclusion and human rights but the simple question I have is – Why can’t we embrace differences and celebrate uniqueness?
Beth very rarely leaves anyone out of anything that she does, she always ensures everyone is included, regardless of who they are. Her main aim in life is to help everyone feel happy.
A lovely example of Beth putting this into practice was when she attended junior school. It was sports day and as was normal in our family her dad, sisters and I all planned to be at the edge of the sports field cheering Beth on, in whatever race she was taking part in. (It really was the Beth appreciation society even granny and papa brought their foldup beach chairs and cheered by the side lines.) Beth loved to see us all there, she would introduce us to all her friends and ask us to cheer for them too! The sack race was always a favourite, so Beth was standing along with her peers at the starting line all carefully placed in their sacks, by the teachers and classroom assistants. The horn was sounded and off they went, Beth to be honest was too busy smiling and looking at us, to think of hopping ahead to the finish line however she did look back. We watched as her smile disappeared, and her expression suddenly became filled full of concern, she hesitated and then stopped. We followed her line of gaze and we immediately saw a small boy struggling to move forward in his sack, he had fallen over and was sadly watching as all his class mates were heading towards the finish line. It was then we noticed Beth had dropped her sack, slowly stepped out of it, picked it up and walked back to the boy. Beth called to the other pupils who by this stage were about to celebrate their triumph of successfully finishing the race, they too stopped and ran back to help. Beth had, by this stage, put the boy back into his sack, taken hold of his hand and was beginning to move forward. The other pupils formed a line all holding hands and supporting each other (quite difficult when you have to master the art of keeping hold of the sack too!!) Together they all crossed the finish line, all laughing, smiling and punching the air in victory. Beth told her teachers and us later that she could not leave her friend out and ‘anyway it was better fun us all being together’We can all learn something from this simple story and from individuals such as Beth who are, to date, the most marginalised and excluded in our society today. I hope it challenges you to search yourselves, your opinions and actions. I hope it encourages you to embrace and respect the differences in life. Let us continue to practice and develop our understanding, empathy and tolerance.
“To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.” Bono
Mum to a Kool Kid 